you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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