2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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