It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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