I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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