"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
