I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
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dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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