we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
