Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
