Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
