i permit you to call me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
