I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
