I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
