I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
