you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
