its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
