Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
