I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
