wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
