I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
