Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
