the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
