I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
