Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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