I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
