I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
