he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
