The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
