sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
