listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
