the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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