I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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