Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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