So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
did you just send me my own nude
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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