If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
