I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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