I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
