Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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