just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
