I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
