I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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