Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My cat gives me a boner
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
