so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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