Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
