when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
