The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
