i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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