Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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