She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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