we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
