He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
