Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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