I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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