Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
