At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
