He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
