I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
