If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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