so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
