Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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