Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
