His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't deserve a penis
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
