omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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