fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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