theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
