I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
