Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
