remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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