i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
