"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
