I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
