Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
