My balls are so social today.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize