dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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