Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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