That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
