Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
