Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
