i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
