you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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